Directory

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Top Ten Tuesdays: Most Disappointing Films

10. Dragon Ball: Evolution

I watched Dragon Ball and Dragon Ball Z a lot when I was a kid my friend Bill got me into the whole mythology and ever since then I have been a HUGE fan. I own just about every saga on dvd and i just started re buying them as seasons, so why on earth did this movie suck so bad. 1. Casting was just so offal I don't even really want or need to talk about it. 2. The story sucked big nuts I don't even really remember the whole thing. I just couldn't get passed Goku being in his 20's and not having a damn tale, if this is Dragon Ball and not Dragon Ball Z which it is Goku should be a little shit with a damn monkey tale... don't get me started on how bad OOZARU was. and 3. The movie didn't even need to be made the whole Dragon Ball series should just be left alone... on that note I hope Keanu Reeves stays the hell away from Cowboy Bebop.





9. Super Mario Bros. 

Yes I loved this movie as a kid and I still enjoy watching it for its nostalgic value but GOD DAMN what a shit pile this is. Im laughing as I type this because how can you be serious about reviewing a movie like this I mean the only similarity between this movie and the classic video games was the names of the characters and the color of the overalls the iconic plumbers ware. I don't know any way they could of done a live action Mario movie but this is definitely not the way it should have been done. Ill leave you with my favorite part of the movie.
Sergeant Simon: Name.
Mario: Mario.
Sergeant Simon: Last name.
Mario: Mario.
Sergeant Simon: And you?
Luigi: Luigi.
Sergeant Simon: Luigi Luigi?
Luigi: No, Luigi Mario.
Sergeant Simon: Okay how many Marios are there between the two of you?
Luigi: Three: Mario Mario and Luigi Mario.



8. Aliens VS. Predators


I was so pumped to see this damn movie me, my brother, and my friend Brian were on our way to see this movie and witnessed a car accident, we didn't stop to help because we had to see these two legends battle it out for the first time on the silver screen.... We should have stopped for that accident, that would have been more entertaining than this piece of shit movie. I was so disappointed that the movie wasn't the least bit entertaining, one part in the movie that really sticks out in my mindas one of the worst scenes in history is when the lead Predator teams up with the female lead (which was bad enough) and gives her weapons made out of Alien remains uuugggggggg oh and later the Predator is explaining the bomb on his arm using hand gestures and it just looks offal... I HATE THIS MOVIE










7. X-Men 3 The Last Stand 


X-Men the movie was good, especially the wolverine scene in the bar, I enjoyed that. X2 X-Men United I thought was a cheesy title but a hell of a good movie (Nightcrawler Kicks ass). Unlike the first two films
X3 The Last Stand could go down as one of the worst movies I have ever seen. The whole premise was just boring and.... wait I just noticed at the bottom of the picture I posted for this movie it says "Great Action... The Greatest X-Men movie yet!" Who ever said that should have his eyes and tongue ripped from that pile of feces he calls a head so he can never see or talk about another shitty movie like that ever again. Anyway this movie ruined the trilogy ( that wont be the last time you read those words today). What an Utter disappointment.












6. Spider-Man 3 


I was so hyped up for this movie I couldn't wait for it to redeem Spider-Man 2 (yeah I said it, Spider-Man 2 SUCKED). When I heard the black symbiotic suit was in it I said to myself "this movie can't be bad its based off the Venom arc, the best story arc in Spider-man comic book history." oh how wrong I was not only was the black suit the same exact thing as the red and blue suit but Venom was barely in it and he was played by Topher Grace... WHY! and why put Gwen Stacy in now she should already be dead... I wanted this movie to be good so bad that i actually put myself in a state of denial, thinking it was actually good... until I saw it for a second time. Im actually glad there rebooting the whole damn series, even though that will probably suck too.














5. Wanted  


Im not going to say I completely hated this movie, I thought it was fun to watch, the action was pretty good, and it had one or two of Millar's "Fuck Yeah!" moments in it.  That being said what a poor excuse for a comic book adaptation. This was nothing like the Wanted comic book, there was no mention of super heroes being killed off by all of the worlds super villains or any of the other major plot points in the comic. This movie just took the beginning and end of the comic and threw in some random shit about a fraternity and bending bullets. Oh and Fuck Angelina Jolie, why does she take up most of the poster when James McAvoy is obviosly a better actor and actually the main character? Because shes "HOT"? Id rather see just about any other actress play Fox I can't stand Jolie and her dry acting. Go make out with your brother bitch.










4. X-Men Origins: Wolverine


If you can point out one good thing about this movie I will buy you a copy of this abomination and watch it with you just so you can see my eyes bleed. Im just going to keep this one short and to the point. It had bad CG, half of the characters had nothing to do with the original Weapon X program, the story just blew as much balls as the acting, they ruined Deadpool, Wolverine and Sabertooth were buddies at the end, Gambit didn't have a strong Louisiana accent, that hobbit was in the movie, the weird looking young version of professor X, Scott Summers, Storm, and Emma Frost even being in the movie, and Wolverine having styled hair. This is one of the biggest WTF movies ever... I rather watch New Moon a thousand times before this.














3. The Matrix Revolutions 


To me The Matrix marked the beginning of my true love for movie making  and martial arts movies. Not only was it a technical masterpiece but also a refreshing original idea for once. It was also the first DVD I ever bought and that DVD kicked ass it showed you how they did all the cool ass special effects and fight scenes. So why did the two sequels suck so bad? Because they just did, I mean they could of thought of any other outcome for the end of the trilogy and it would have been a better ending, but no they went with watching the sun set with Colonel Sanders, Aunt Jimima, Bruce Lee, and bad acting little girl. Hell one look at that DVD cover could tell you how bad the movie is, a five year old with down syndrome could have designed a better cover than this. They should have just left the matrix as it was.












2. Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles III 


Even as a child I knew this movie sucked my bebop and rock steadies. For one, they didn't even look the same, the Turtles looked so damn dumb and there lips were so badly out of sync that I remember this without seeing the movie in the last 3 to 5 years. One thing that always bothered me was that it was in Japan and not in New York City like the first two films, another thing that brought my piss to a boil was the lack of TMNT characters in the majority movie. NO Casey Jones, NO Shredder (I know he was killed twice but still), and NO Krang. The only character besides the turtles was April. The bad guy was so dumb and annoying, they could have picked any other guy to be the villain and it would have been better, I would even take a talking brain, at least it would have been closer to the cartoon. I wish I could use that stupid ass scepter and go back in time to erase this movie from existence or at least stop myself from watching it.










1. Star Wars: The Phantom Menace 


This is the biggest disappointment I have ever felt, there's not much more I can say about this flaming pile of shit that hasn't already been said so I wont waste my time but i will say I liked Darth Maul... 

























2 comments:

  1. Super Mario and TMNT III are ill i was not disappointed

    ReplyDelete
  2. dbz shout out YEEEEEEE but that shit was garbage i wish i had the budget they had i woulda done that movie right like you do a sweet girl who you love and wanna marry

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